God. Music. Fashion. Thoughts. Life.

The problems between us seem to become more and more complicated each day. I’m tired of being hurt. I’m tired of your idiotic ways. I’m tired of always trying to be there for you but having you push me to the side. Goodness. Do you not see you’re hurting me?! Are you really that ignorant? Yes, we tell each other everything. Our worries, struggles, our emotions. We pour our hearts out to each other. But despite that, problems seem to come down on us like giant waves. Drowning us in a hopeless place. Agony is all around us. It seems as if we’re unable to escape. No matter how hard we try. No matter how hard I try… I said I’d always be there for you… But now I’m torn at the thought that that might not be true anymore. How am I supposed to cope with you pushing me away? I know you’re mad at me even though you don’t want to admit it. It’s so obvious. The thing is, I told you the truth. I promise you.  You say it’s cool. But really, it’s not. Do you honestly think I don’t know you well enough?! Think again my dear friend…. Friend. I’m quite unsure if that word even exists between us anymore… Gahhh, I just really miss you. You’re here, but you’re not. You aren’t who you used to be and it breaks my heart.

Yes, I realized I’ve been used and it’s one of the worst feelings. Especially knowing it was by my so called “best friend”. You know what? Screw it. Who needs friends?  Dearest “Friend”, I really hope you’re reading this. I hope you are consumed with guilt because honestly, you deserve it. You might be able to fool everyone else, but trust me, you are’t fooling me. All your countless drama? Yeah, it’s pretty pathetic considering how you’d always say other were full of drama. Actually, that may have been true but obviously not as much compared to you. “She always treats me like crap and I don’t know what to do” It’s funny how you’d always say that and then treat others how you once used to be treated. You left that old friend when she needed you and that’s the exact same thing I’m going to be doing to you. I don’t care if you still believe I’m still you’re “best friend”. If you actually use that brain of yours you’d know I’m far from being your “best friend”… Yeah, I guess it was true when they said karma’s a bitch. Now you and your boyfriend will both experience it. You both equally wronged others and now the exact same thing is going to happen to you. Don’t worry. I won’t be the one getting revenge. That will take care of itself. Oh, here’s the funny part though: I’ll be watching right on the sidelines. With the perfect view of your little game. 

Not. 

What scares me the most is falling in love with you. What if after all of this, we end up falling for each other? What if everything ends in resentment and heartaches? I guess guarding ones heart is proving to be a lot more difficult than it seems… Although I find peace knowing it’s not impossible.  

Why am I so afraid of the night?

A silhouette it taunts me.
My lack of faith in this beautiful life,
My knowing of it haunts me.
I’m haunted,
And know I should be afraid.

Lay awake at night,
Cry you know it’s not alright,
To feel like your falling into nothing.
You can learn to fly.
Just call, His name.
Just call His name.

Suddenly I wonder why I feel so alone,
I know there’s something out there.
Thought I’d suck it up and do it all on my own,
Wish I’d known he does care.
I’m haunted,
And I know I should be afraid.

Lay awake at night,
Cry you know it’s not alright,
To feel like your falling into nothing.
You can learn to fly.
Just call, His name.
Just call His name.

Where do we go?
Call out His name.
Lift up our hands,
Completely ashamed.
Give it all up,
Dropping our pride.
Rip us apart,
Change us on the inside.
We cry out to You
We fall on our knees.
Change us now.

Lay awake at night,
Cry you know it’s not alright,
To feel like your falling into nothing,
You can learn to fly.
Cry you know it’s not alright.
You can learn to fly.

[He is We]

No more! 

I might be going crazy but earlier today, that brief moment when we talked, I think I saw pain in your eyes. I don’t know what’s going on between us. All I know is that I miss you. I see you daily…. But it’s not the same. Nothing is. You’ve always been the one to show me how to have fun. You’ve showed me how to laugh and you’ve never failed to put that spark back in my eyes. You’ve always helped me pull through. But now…. I don’t know what’s happening. My dear friend, I miss you.